The day I stopped giving away my power.

“So what are we working on today?” he asked as I walked in the door. This was the second or third time I had worked with Carlos and we had begun to build a great rapport.

“I want to own my power. I know it’s there but I am having trouble accessing it. When I do, I have trouble staying there.”

“Oh,” he replied. “Well, when I hear people say that, I ask them how often they are saying yes when they mean no, or saying no when they mean yes.”

That statement hit me hard. –and really, in many ways, we could have ended the session there because I constantly did that. Constantly. Forever compromising myself for what I thought to be the greater good but really that is codependency through and through. Wanting people to view me a certain way. Ugh.

After a little more chatting, we got to it.

I tend to go into hypnosis quickly & deeply. Carlos was talking me through a relaxation technique but my subconscious mind already had me somewhere else.

“OH-MAN-GA-LA”

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

“OH-MAN-GA-LA”

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

“OH-MAN-GA-LA”

I could hear chanting and the deep tone of a drum in the cave. I could feel my heart racing and confusion surrounding me completely.

“…and so tell me about this relaxing place” I heard Carlos say.

“I don’t want to talk about that,” I replied. “I want to talk about Eshbah.” My voice was not my own. There was a very thick accent and getting the words out was very hard.

“Eshbah? Okay. What is Eshbah?”

“It’s a place.”

I began to describe where I was. I was in a cave in South America, long long ago. I could see hundreds of people gathered around, chanting, watching. We were attending a ceremony. The energy was high. There was something significant happening here. My hands began to go numb.

“Can you tell me what is happening?” he asked.

“It’s a sacrifice. I am a young Mayan boy. 16 maybe.”

My heart was pounding faster as I witnessed the energy, the chanting, the painted faces.

“OH-MAN-GA-LA”

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

“OH-MAN-GA-LA”

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

“My arms are numb. I can’t move my hands. I can’t move. I can’t move. I don’t understand what is happening. I’m scared.”

“Ok,” he said. “I am right here. We’re right here.” “Do you know what they are sacrificing?”

I was looking around. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t see who it was. I couldn’t really see anything anymore.

“It’s me. It is me! My family said it was an honor. I didn’t want to but they said it was an honor so I said yes.” Tears were streaming down my face. I was scared. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to say yes.

Everything went quiet. No more chanting. No more numbness. No more confusion. Just quiet. I could see myself laying there. Powerless.

I transitioned.

In seeing that lifetime and the one I visited afterwards, I realized that I had literally been sacrificing myself for the sake of others for a long time. A really long time. Lifetimes.

In that session I began to let go of that part of myself and adopt